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When Your Partner Goes Silent: Here’s Why — and How to Handle It
I once had a relationship where every big fight we had ultimately ended with me shutting down and going silent on him. I didn’t do this out of a malicious attempt to give him the silent treatment. Sometimes people shut down and walk away for valid reasons.
I have been on the other side of this as well, where I had someone shut down on me, and these were the things that I did to restore peace with him.
Why I go silent
Let me break this down. Every time I have gone silent on a man, something significant always happens right before I go silent. I made my feelings clear. I conveyed that I am upset, disappointed, or hurt. And then the blow comes:
I get shut down.
Meaning, my love has said or done something to convey dismissal of my feelings. If I express my feelings and a man gets defensive, annoyed, or disregards what I said, you can guarantee I will stop talking altogether.
If I don’t feel heard, what’s the point of speaking at all?
Getting me to talk after I shut down really isn’t that hard. The simple things like showing concern and respect will bring me back to having a conversation that dissolves the issue and restores peace between us.
Here’s where it starts for me:
Apologize
If your love has expressed that you’ve done something that is hurtful or upsetting to them, own it. If you did something wrong, even if it was an oversight, or a thoughtless comment or an overreaction, just own it.
Take a moment and consider whether the other person has a valid point. I’m a super reasonable person. I don’t start fights over minor things. So, unless your love is a total drama queen (or king), consider that their feelings are likely valid and warrant a sincere apology.
